


It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Picks Up the Hammer

by wnnbdarklord



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, Avengers: Age of Ultron Trailer, F/M, I Blame Tumblr, M/M, Threesome - F/M/M, froz3npizza, nanowrimo procrastination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-11
Updated: 2014-11-11
Packaged: 2018-02-25 01:00:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2602733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wnnbdarklord/pseuds/wnnbdarklord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Tony Stark lifts Mjolnir, gets to rule Asgard and promptly gives it to Pepper. Also known as, the one where Loki tries to pull a prank but it gets away from him as usual, only this time it doesn't turn out so bad for him (or for Asgard).</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Picks Up the Hammer

**Author's Note:**

> Just something quick I wrote to clear my head while writing my NaNoWriMo novel. Inspired by [this post on tumblr](http://wnnbdarklord.tumblr.com/post/102264298200/goddamnhella-horns-of-mischief-x-admit-it) and my love of the Loki/Pepper/Tony pairing. (find more of it on the froz3npizza tag on tumblr)
> 
> It's not meant to be taken particularly seriously.
> 
> Comments and kudos always appreciated!

Loki is already growing bored of the throne, with its endless meetings and official dinners and visiting dignitaries. He’s not  _bad_  at it, but it does wear on the nerves so. He has little patience for fools and fools seem to be all that Asgard comprises of. He is in want of better company.

So, to while away the time, he’s taken up watching his brother and his funny little band of mortals. They’re all gathered together, for once not because of an emergency, but simply in a social setting. What they’re doing catches his interest.

Oh, how delightful, they’re trying to lift Mjolnir. This brings forth the bitter memory of his own attempt. Always unworthy. How could he be, especially when Odin had been the arbiter? Even if Loki had done everything right, he would have failed, simply because he is Loki and not Thor.

Now, watching the mortals attempt to lift it, Loki gets a wickedly amusing thought. Theoretically, anyone with the power of Gungnir, with all the force of Asgard behind it would be able to decide the parameters of worth. Loki had once been rightfully king of Asgard and Gungnir had not forgotten that. All of the illusions in the world would not have helped him  _acquire_  the throne from Odin had the mighty weapon not acknowledged him.

So Loki whispers to Mjolnir, bending the geas laid upon it (to remove it utterly is beyond his power, even now), to accept one with the fires of creation and protection in their heart, rather than the storm and thunder in the blood. Whispers of Mjolnir being a tool to build rather than destroy and  _wouldn’t you want to create, after so much death wrought by you? Wouldn’t you want to build wonders worthy of your glory?_

Loki cackles madly at the expression on everyone’s faces when Tony Stark lifts the hammer. None look more surprised than Stark.

***

"Father, you can not mean to actually give Asgard to this mortal?" Thor looks utterly lost and disbelieving as he stands before Odin’s throne, Tony Stark swaggering in behind him, Mjolnir in his grip.

Loki-as-Odin gazes upon him. His stance is disapproving and disappointed, but also weary. Behind the illusion, he is almost purring with glee and anticipation of future chaos.

He pierces Thor with a look, one Loki had been intimately familiar with, but one Odin rarely sent Thor’s way.

"Was it not you who offered it to him in the first place should he be worthy of Mjolnir?"

"Yes, but -" Thor clenches his hands, which look strangely empty without the hammer now being twirled by Stark. Thankfully, the mortal is staying silent for now, letting "father" and son discuss this. Loki does not let Thor explain he had only been jesting. And even then, he knows what Odin would say -  _the rulership of Asgard is a jest to you? I see, perhaps I was right to let you go_. Imagining the twist on Thor’s face at that gives him a curl of petty satisfaction.

"And were you not the one who decided to harry off to Midgard, leaving me with no heir?"

"I.."

"It is only fitting then, that Midgard provide a suitable heir in exchange. This mortal is worthy and a shield brother of the Mighty Thor. Would you dispute this?"

Thor’s jaw clenches, but he backs down. Stark smirks at him, patting him on the arm.

"Cheer up, big guy, I’ll take good care of the place for you."

Stark is angled in a way that he almost manages to hide the wink he levels at Thor. Loki sees it, but does not comment. Thor relaxes.

Loki almost smirks, remembering the chaos after Stark lifted Mjolnir, his astonishment and joking backtracking. None had truly taken it seriously until Thor had not managed to lift Mjolnir. Even then, it was not until “Odin” summoned Stark to Asgard that it had quite sunk in. The devastated look on Thor’s face is one Loki will always treasure. Good, let him know what it means to be unworthy. He had ruthlessly suppressed any unease or guilt at Thor’s blatant perplexed sadness.

Stark had immediately begun with platitudes that of course he wouldn’t take the throne, he didn’t even want to run his own company, so why would he want to run a place full of ancient Vikings? In the end, Stark had promised to give it back first thing if they couldn’t sort this out with Thor’s father. As if Loki is going to let him do that until he has had his fun. But it had served to placate Thor.

"Say your goodbyes now, Thor. As for you, Anthony Stark of Midgard, in exchange for your service to this realm, I will grant you one boon ere you begin your kingship."

"Wait, you’re keeping me here? I need my things!" Stark protests. "Odin" glares at him.

"The ruler of Asgard and the protector of the Nine Realms does not have the luxury to roam where and when he would. One boon. Choose."

"Pepper," Tony blurts out, "I want Pepper to be here."

Interesting. Loki had thought for sure that Stark would choose to bring his suits. Well. This should be far simpler.

"Granted."

***

To better observe the fun, Loki has Odin go into the Odinsleep. It would have been worth it just for the barely concealed look of panic on Stark’s face when he found out, but as it is, Lady Sigurd makes an appearance in the role of Queen Pepper’s handmaiden.

Lady Pepper is not at all what Loki expected. She is far too good for Stark. It is to Stark’s credit that he is already well aware of this. He looks at her as though she had hung up the very moon and stars. Her own regard for Stark is not quite so worshipful, but it is nonetheless there, bright and warm. Loki ignores the sudden want that curls in her chest.

It has taken a truly pitiful amount of time for Tony to lose interest ruling Asgard. But the expected chaos never comes. Loki would normally be disappointed, but she finds herself utterly fascinated by the cool and efficient way Pepper wrangles the Councilmen to do her bidding, the noblewomen to her side and charming the noblemen even quicker than Lorelai. It is also baffling, for Loki detects no magic within her. She is simply a mortal, though there is nothing simple about her. The only extra-ordinary thing about her is her patience when dealing with Tony Stark.

After only two days of dealing with him, Loki is ready to strangle him. But she is also reluctantly fascinated by him as well. Instead of looking to the Realm beyond a half-hearted effort on the first day, Stark looks to Asgard’s science and wonders. He has a quick mind and boundless curiosity. It reminds Loki of herself, before Asgard had largely curbed her of showing it openly.

She enjoys surprising Stark once in a while with idle comments about something in Asgard that sends him into paroxysms of scientific discovery. She laughs at the way he steamrollers through objections that such knowledge is not for mortals. She is fairly certain that “I’m king, so suck it,” as an explanation is one of the most delightful she has heard in a long while. Stark does what he wants and somehow the universe bends to meet his will. A part of Loki even admires him for it.

***

It only takes a month before Tony declares Pepper the ruler of Asgard officially. The announcement is met by cheers all around. After Odin’s declining rule and Loki’s half-hearted one (which was mostly centered around rebuilding from the Dark Elf attack - a thankless task), Asgard is prospering once more. The people are happy and Pepper is beloved by all. Well, except for one or ten malcontent traditionalists that were absolutely incensed a mortal was on the throne. Loki had taken care of them before they could try to assassinate Pepper more than once and even prevented the assassinations themselves. She tells herself it is because she does not want her fun to end.

Loki does not remember the last time she was this peaceful.

***

One day, Loki stumbles across Pepper in her mothe- what used to be her mother’s - the former Queen’s gardens. She supposes they’re Pepper’s gardens now.

"Oh," Pepper smiles at her as though nothing is wrong. Loki’s face is passive only because of centuries of practice, "I wasn’t expecting anyone to be here. Is there anything you needed me for?"

"Ah…no, my apologies, my queen. I wasn’t expecting anyone to be here either. These gardens have been empty since…"

"Since queen Frigga?" Pepper asks gently in the silence that follows. Loki both loves and hates her for it. Instead, she just nods.

"Yes. I often used to accompany her here. It seemed a waste for this place to grow wild. And after the attack, I’ve often found comfort here."

Loki has lost track of the amount of times she had come here to weep, surrounded by the scent of flowers and soil that reminded her so of Frigga. She’d come here so often as a child, when all the stresses of childhood had proven too much. She’d continued the practice well into adulthood, but far less often.

After the Convergence, she had come here almost every day, nerves rattled by the constant press of people after so long with nothing but her thoughts. Her stomach curdles at the thought she might have to give this sanctuary up.

"It’s beautiful here," Pepper says after observing her for a while.

"Aye," Loki says. She braces herself to leave, ignoring the sting of frustrated tears that threatened, "I am sorry to have - I shall leave you to your business."

Loki sketches a curtsy and turns to leave.

"No, wait! Don’t feel like you need to leave just because I’m here. Stay, please."

Loki turns around quickly, almost too quickly. She smiles, ignoring the slight wobble of it.

"Of course. As my queen wishes."

Loki sits next to Pepper on the stone bench after Pepper pats it. Pepper laughs a little, shaking her head.

"Queen of Asgard. I’m still having trouble believing it. What was Tony thinking?"

Loki smirks.

"If you will permit my boldness, I rather think he considered you a far better ruler than he."

Pepper smirks at that, a mischievous expression on her face.

"Between you and me, I agree."

They share a smile. Pepper looks away, expression turning pensive. She fidgets by smoothing out her long dress.

"But am I?" it is almost said low enough that Loki could pretend she hadn’t heard. Instead, she touches Pepper’s arm lightly, strangely urged to tell the truth.

"I do not recall a more peaceful or prosperous time in Asgard, my queen."

Loki does not count her own childhood. What awareness did children have of the state of the country, especially if they were princes, isolated from the common people and wanting for nothing? Well, wanting for nothing  _material_.

Pepper grabs her hands and smiles at her.

"Thanks for that. And thank you for being here, helping me through this, Sigurd. I don’t think I would have lasted a day without you."

"I’m sure that’s not true," Loki demures, but even as she says it, she feels a warm flutter in her chest.

She does not let go of Pepper’s hand as they talk the afternoon away.

***

Tony interrupts her one day as she is airing out their rooms. He looks at her, fingers tapping against his chest in a nervous rhythm. Loki ignores him until she finishes laying out the furs on their bed.

Finally, she turns to him, feeling her stomach do a little swoop at the intent expression on his face. She ignores it, just as she has the last few dozen times it has happened.

"Can I help you, Lord Stark?" With the kingship passed down to Pepper, technically Tony doesn’t even have a title. 

He squints at her and then points, finger twirling in a circle.

"I can’t quite get what your play is. I’ve been trying to get a read on you for _ages_ , but, well, I can’t. So what gives?”

Loki blinks.

"Pardon?"

Tony waves a hand.

"You know, what gives? This whole charade you’re doing. Don’t get me wrong, the breasts are a nice, ah, a nice touch, but you, my friend, had a pretty good gig as King. Why give it up to play house?"

Loki feels colder the longer Tony speaks. A fine tremble starts in her limbs and her fingers twitch with the urge to release a spell. Whether to fight or get away, she cannot yet tell.

"You knew," she manages to force out beyond numb lips.

"I knew," he shrugs, "Thor kinda knew from the start. Didn’t want to start another fight, but he kept an eye on you. By the way, excellent prank with the hammer. Did  _not_  see that coming.”

Even as she panics, a part of her is ridiculously pleased at the appreciation for her prank. Loki’s mind whirls.

Not only had Stark known from the beginning, but Thor as well?

"How?"

Tony snorts.

"Come on. One minute daddy dearest is calling Jane Foster a goat to her face, the next he’s handing over his kingdom to a mortal? Pfft, and I’ve got a bridge to sell you. Well, I have two actually, impulse buys, but you know what I mean."

Loki huffs a laugh and brings her hands to her face. She is  _not_  hiding, she merely wishes to regroup. She slumps backwards to sit on the bed.

"I do."

"Soooo," Tony sidles closer, until she can feel the heat of him, "Why’d you do it?"

Loki lifts her head up to look at him. She looks away, discomfited by Tony’s expression.

"Boredom, at first. A chance to make some chaos."

A touch against her hair startles her. The hand doesn’t move and she relaxes, leaning into it slightly. Before Tony and Pepper had come, she cannot remember the last time she had been touched without an intent to harm.

"That’s not it," Tony murmurs.

"I was so  _tired_ ,” she says, closing her eyes so she does not have to see his expression, “I had rather lost any taste for ruling. I just wanted to…I wanted to rest.”

"Okay."

She opened her eyes.

"Okay?"

Tony smiled and shrugged, hand still curled in her hair.

"Yeah. Don’t think I didn’t notice you saving Pepper all those times. Plus you did kind of help save the universe. So yeah, okay."

Loki shudders in relief and leans in closer. Tony doesn’t move away.

***

Later, much later, after days and months of tiptoeing around it, Loki is awakened by Tony shifting against his side. He groans, curling closer to Pepper’s warmth.

"Go to sleep, Tony," he mumbles, unconsciousness already sweetly beckoning.

"Can’t," Tony replies, "I remembered that whole bit about Mjolnir being also a tool to build. Since we haven’t gotten around to getting her back to Thor, I’m kinda itching to build something. I’ve got so many ideas, it’s going to be great. I just need to decide what first."

Loki almost groans.

"Build whatever you like, as long as you go to sleep," Pepper says, her voice thick with sleep. She snuggles back into Loki, "I’ve got five meetings tomorrow and if you’re the reason I won’t be paying attention becuase I’m sleep deprived, you’re going to regret it."

"Yes, dear."

Loki smiles into Pepper’s hair as Tony settles against him and relaxes. Soon, he drifts off to sleep as well.

***

Tony takes Mjolnir to Midgard and builds his own spaceship and Bifrost. Loki doesn’t even bother trying to stop him, gleefully amused at Asgard no longer having a monopoly on travelling the realms. Tony’s is better anyway. 

He simply enjoys the stunned look on Thor’s face when Tony hands him Mjolnir back and ships him off to Asgard without ever needing to call for Heimdall. Loki even waves.

The light of the Bifrost takes Thor, just as his booming laughter is heard.

Pepper takes his hand and smiles at him. Warmth blooms in his chest.

"Asgard  _does_  seem to be having trouble keeping her rulers,” he grins at her. Pepper smiles back.

"Overrated," she says, "Besides, I missed coffee."

"And scotch!" Tony calls back, already on his way inside the penthouse.

Loki follows his mortals inside, contentment humming through his skin.

**END**


End file.
